Why “You’re Welcome” Might Not Be the Best Response

When someone thanks us, most of us are conditioned to respond with “you’re welcome.” It’s a polite and expected response, but according to one expert, it may not be the best way to capitalize on the moment of gratitude. In this article, we’ll explore why “you’re welcome” falls short and what alternative response we can use to foster a more generous and reciprocal culture.

The Problem with “You’re Welcome”

Influence author and psychologist Robert Cialdini has spent over four decades studying persuasion. According to him, the phrase “you’re welcome” is a missed opportunity to activate the norm of reciprocity, which encourages people to return favors in the future. Instead, he suggests a more unconventional response: “I know you’d do the same for me.”

While this response may have some benefits, it still leaves a bad taste in some people’s mouths. The subtle appeal to reciprocity can make people feel like they owe you something, which isn’t how everyone wants to give or receive help. So, why do we utter “you’re welcome” in the first place?

It’s a relatively new phrase in English, and it has evolved over the past century to convey that it’s our pleasure to help someone. But, there may be a better way to respond.

A New Approach: Paying it Forward

Adam Rifkin, a successful entrepreneur and Fortune’s best networker, takes a different approach to reciprocity. After doing someone a favor, he doesn’t ask them to repay him; instead, he asks them to help someone else. This approach, called generalized reciprocity, encourages people to give without expecting anything specific in return.

So, how can we apply this approach in our own lives? Instead of saying “you’re welcome,” we can respond with something like, “I know you’ll do the same for someone else.” This response affirms our helpfulness without creating the feeling of indebtedness. It also encourages others to pay it forward and help someone else.

The Benefits of Generalized Reciprocity

Using generalized reciprocity can have far-reaching benefits. When we give without strings attached, we’re more likely to receive help from a broader range of potential givers. This wider network of givers can include people we haven’t helped in the past or might not be able to help in the future.

Social scientists have even conducted experiments showing that acts of giving can spread up to three degrees of separation. So, by paying it forward and encouraging others to do the same, we can create a more generous and reciprocal culture that benefits everyone.

In Conclusion

While saying “you’re welcome” is a polite and expected response, it falls short of activating the norm of reciprocity. By using generalized reciprocity and encouraging others to pay it forward, we can foster a more generous and reciprocal culture. The next time someone thanks us, let’s take the opportunity to encourage them to do the same for someone else.